The beloved and highly regarded U.S. Supreme Court has had a stellar track record of defending human rights over the past year. And now they may be embarking on another legal battle to defend American civil liberties! The freedom to cover your body in an ugly, formless school uniform so as not to stigmatize it.
according to 19th, the Supreme Court is currently working with the Biden administration to decide whether a North Carolina charter school found unconstitutional for requiring female students to wear skirts and dresses. We are negotiating. Promote “chivalry”. It is unclear what exactly the school’s grasp of “chivalry” entails, but when young men joust in hallways with rolling chairs and rulers like Arthurian knights of old, hats can be worn. There is also the possibility of requiring young men to wear women’s favors.
Charter Day School in North Carolina defines itself as “traditional, traditional values-based education” and enforces a dress code to promote “mutual respect between boys and girls.” Because nothing a man admires a woman more than when she wears a scratchy woolen skirt and loafers. If this policy is enacted nationwide. I am confident that we will put an end to sexism overnight. I wonder if the people who designed this policy wore the same uniform. I hope so. After all, how could a modern woman attract a man who would pull the sacred sword out of stone and travel on her horse to distant Gallic lands to win the affection of her court? can you do it?
Apparently, three parents at the school didn’t get the memo. Or rather, a letter scribbled by the abbot studded with lapis lazuli. The trio filed a lawsuit against the charter school, claiming that the skirt requirement violated the Fourteenth Amendment and Title IX’s Equal Protection Clause, stating that it “imposed restrictions on freedom of movement for girls that the boys would not suffer.” “There’s an archaic gender-role stereotype.” Exactly! That’s the point! The noble mission of this charter school is to: Go back to the glorious days of old! A woman’s only duty was to stand on crutches in a high tower while combing her gorgeous hair.
The school’s founder, Baker Mitchell (perhaps he himself has also been mischievous?) seems to agree. There is no doubt that this man descended from Arthur Pendragon’s noble lineage. He doubled down on his commitment to upholding the code of chivalry in an email exchange with one of his parents who filed the lawsuit. He argues that the skirt requirement “helps foster a code of conduct in which women are treated.” A fragile ship that can only nibble on sweet dates and sigh awaits the return of the good knight from his noble quest!Definitely Mitchell very lady’s man. After all, who wouldn’t want to engage in a little medieval roleplay with Mitchell after spending the day tending the house and fireplace? Who could resist his charms that swore by the sword?
Mitchell went on to say that due to the requirement for school uniforms, events like the 1999 Columbine High School shooting are unlikely to be repeated. it is! After all, guns don’t kill people, black leather trench coats kill people! I wouldn’t have been daring enough to murder! And certainly if one of the female victims had worn a knee-length woolen skirt, chivalrous instincts would have kicked in and would have made such a fragile maiden. It wouldn’t have hurt! What a shame to know that plaid skirts and button-down shirts are the answer to the epidemic of violence that plagues America’s education system. Imagine how many children were saved! But, of course, the Supreme Court’s inaction on gun control had nothing to do with it!
I wish only District Judge Malcolm Howard understood this. In 2019, he ruled in favor of the plaintiffs, thereby repealing the skirt requirement and dooming many young women to the life of common serfs! 4 appealed to the Court of Appeals for the Circuit, which upheld the ruling that the skirt requirement violated the law of Title 9, but also said it could not sue the school on constitutional grounds of its dress code policy. . Because it is not the subject of the state.
The Fourth Circuit then rehearsed the case in June 2022, ruling almost entirely against the school, and since charter day schools receive nearly 95% of their funding from the state itself, it actually determined to be state officials. Therefore, it could be sued for constitutional grounds and the boy was it.
A true roundtable of Republicans was not happy with this decision. Texas Attorney Ken Paxton, North Carolina House Speaker Tim Moore, a number of religious rights groups and the ironically named Independent Women’s Law Center all have legal counsel appealing to the Supreme Court to take up the case. submitted a team. This Republican Fellowship individual reportedly said during an appeal to court, “You have my sword, my bow, and my axe,” but this may be hearsay. It is currently unclear whether the Supreme Court will hear the case. While previous decisions by the Supreme Court have defended the right of students to express themselves under the First Amendment, courts have yet to rule on the constitutionality of dress codes under the Equal Protection Clause. not.
But I wasn’t content to wait for a decision. Did. I was able to find a preliminary draft of his decision.
Dear Honorable Knights of the Republican Round Table,
Thus I say: it is good for women to remain chaste in all matters of dress. I would certainly suggest that the maid’s wardrobe should include a chastity belt of good quality castle-forged steel. The key is given to the maiden’s master’s husband on the wedding night and not offered shortly before. Alas, satanic liberals may not be content with such decisions and take up arms, but we must remain undaunted in our sacred quest for king and country. I trust that you will continue to adhere to your oath to uphold the laws of chivalry. Right now, I am haunted by gay people and their desire to marry, and I can’t think of anything else. But don’t be afraid, I’ll write again in month order.
Godspeed,
-Sir Samuel Alito, Knight Errant
(Featured image: Erin Schaff-Pool, Getty Images)
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